Sherman Ave Interviews Homecoming Court: Sean Earley
Last month, Sherman Ave sat down with all twelve members of this year’s Northwestern Homecoming Court, and had conversations about love, life, and bad decisions made at Cheesie’s. All this week, we will be publishing these interviews in anticipation of voting for Homecoming King and Queen opening on the 11th of October.
In this installment, Sherman Ave writers Marietta Von Festering, Urethra Franklin, and Virgil Goldstaff sat down with the incredibly handsome Sean Earley, and had an in-depth discussion about ghosts, Kristen Wiig, and the intricacies of the Wildcat Welcome PA dance.
Virgil Goldstaff: Alright, I’m just gonna leave this microphone by you. This is Sean…
Sean: Earley.
Virgil: ...Malaney. What is it?
Sean: Earley.
Virgil: Malaney.
Marietta Von Festering: Ok, so just some background questions, what is your major, where are you from, and what do you love the most about Northwestern?
Sean: Alright, well, I’m from the suburbs of Columbus Ohio, Dublin Ohio. I’m RTVF and Econ. And what do I love the most about Northwestern? Bit of a loaded question. I just love the community. Everything that I do and everywhere that I’ve gone, the Northwestern community and the Wildcat community are so strong, and everybody looks out for each other simply because we go to Northwestern and I think that’s incredibly special.
Urethra Franklin: Do you believe in ghosts?
Sean: Do I believe in ghosts? Not particularly, I can’t really say I’ve ever had an experience where I was like “that’s gotta be a ghost.”
Virgil: So you’re agnostic on ghosts?
Sean: Yeah, I think that’s the most accurate way to put it.
Festering: Northwestern recently went down two spots in the US News and World Report rankings. Could you please comment on that?
Sean: I think it’s bullshit.
Festering: Yeah? Whose fault is it, though?
Sean: Society, pressure, you know.
Festering: Ok. We thought you were gonna say Sherman Ave.
Sean: [Laughs]. It was on my list somewhere.
Festering: Some people say that Homecoming Court is a popularity contest that doesn’t reflect the Northwestern community. I don’t have a question here, I just wanted to make sure that you were aware of that.
Sean: [Laughs]. Cool, yeah.
Urethra: What is your least favorite human right?
Sean: [Laughs]. Oh my god. That's...I feel like we’re venturing into dangerous territory here. Are we allowed to, like, plead the 5th?
Urethra: You probably hate one.
Festering: How would you evade the draft?
Sean: I don’t even think I’d have to evade it, I think I have like a heart problem that exempts me from it. Or so that I claim.
Festering: Alright, rock on.
Virgil: What’s your favorite movie?
Sean: Bridesmaids.
Virgil: Why?
Sean: Because I’m OBSESSED with Kristin Wiig. Like unhealthily. Like it’s a problem in my life.
Virgil: So there’s no cinematography elements that you like. It’s just Kristin Wiig.
Sean: Yeah. It’s just the fact that it’s her. One hundred percent.
Festering: What movie have you seen that has had the least influence on you?
Sean: [Laughs]. The only recent thing I can think of is The Fault in Our Stars, just because it was supposed to be super heavy but we were in the theater with a bunch of 11-year-old girls who were just sobbing and holding each others hands. So we were just laughing. And I was like yeah, this isn’t having an effect.
Virgil: So you think terminal illness is funny?
Sean: ...I don’t…
Festering: So, do you think that means you’re lonely or just sad?
Sean: [Laughs] To be determined, you know. Sometimes probably both. It’s why we drink.
Festering: If there was a drink named after you, what would it be called? And what would be in it?
Sean: Probably the Wiig, because I’m obsessed with Kristin Wiig. Wiig with two “i”s. Um, it’d probably just be like, a lot of alcohol. I would never discriminate. Just like, throw whatever you want in there.
Virgil: Who’s your biggest competition on homecoming court?
Sean: That’s a good question, I don’t even know. Everybody, probably. They’re all probably much more likely to win than I am.
Urethra: If you had to drink a cup of any bodily fluid, which one would it be?
Sean: Tears. Does that count?
Festering: From the 11-year-old girls in The Fault in our Stars?
Sean: Yep, I should’ve just walked around with a mug collecting them. There were a lot. It really got to them.
Festering: Fuck, marry, kill: the three of us.
Sean: Oh, wow. Well who’s in charge?
Virgil: All of us.
Festering: It’s an oligarchy.
Virgil: It’s actually an olive-garchy. We only have meetings at the Olive Garden.
Sean: Is there even an Olive Garden in the area…
Virgil: [Extremely quickly] Wilmette. Free breadsticks on Thursdays.
Sean: Huh. Ok, probably kill you [points to Virgil] so that you stop trying to get me to say horrible things, I’ll marry you [points to Urethra], and [points to Festering] I’ve already given you compliments so I feel like we’re already halfway there, you know?
Festering: Word. Did OJ do it?
Sean: Oh. Loaded question. Much like my opinion on ghosts I’m pretty much just open to it. You know. Maybe he did it.
Festering: So what else are you involved in on campus?
Sean: Sure. I was on the Wildcat Welcome Board of Directors, I’m a Special Events co-chair for Dance Marathon, films for A&O, I’m on SAFC, and I’m involved in my fraternity.
Festering: What fraternity?
Sean: Phi Psi.
Festering: Why haven’t I been invited to a Phi Psi formal?
Sean: [Laughs]. That’s a good question. I think it’s down the line now that we’ve…
Urethra: Would you rather gain 300 pounds or lose the ability to read? You can’t lose the weight and it’s all fat, no muscle whatsoever. For forever.
Sean: Probably lose the ability to read. Because then I’ll at least be hot enough still to have people read to me.
Virgil: You think you have the looks to be read to for the rest of your life? It goes after 50, man.
Festering: Fuck, marry kill: the Homecoming Court.
Sean: Wow the whole court? Ok, marry Julia [Watson] probably because I want to be first gentleman. Did you ask the question about me? Because I would fuck whoever said they’d kill me so I might change their mind. Tryna stay alive, you know.
Festering: What if just no one mentioned you?
Sean: They don’t even know who I am. Uhm, and I would kill…[long pause] I would probably kill, actually I would probably kill Julia too, because then Erik [Zorn] would ascend to the presidency and then he would like owe me one, and then I would use that to like kick him out of the race and that would be like one less-very House of Cards.
Urethra: What’s your favorite Kevin Spacey project?
Sean: House of Cards! I was watching it this summer and it got me to like audibly gasp, I’d watch it and be like [audibly gasps].
Virgil: When was the last time before House of Cards that you audibly gasped?
Sean: I’m a big gasper, so I can’t say. I probably gasped before I came in here. Upon entering and seeing you guys I definitely gasped.
Urethra: We get that a lot.
Sean: I’m sure. I get that impression.
Virgil: Since you’re RTVF, name your favorite AM radio station, television broadcasting service and dolly grip from any film.
Sean: Oh, there’s so many great dolly grips, I don’t even know where to begin.
Virgil: We’re thinking post-1980, just so you know. No classics.
Sean: Okay, so we’re getting into the Golden Era of dolly gripping. Well, I’m a big fan of NPR. I think they educate the people and that’s important. I love NBC, they put out the content that I want to watch. Big Friends fan.
Festering: [Groan of pleasure].
Sean: You get it.
Festering: Who are you on Friends?
Sean: Phoebe, one hundred percent.
Festering: I’m a Phoebe-Ross hybrid.
Virgil: I’m the set.
Festering: [To Sean] I think you’re more of a Gunther to be honest.
Sean: That’s one of the biggest insults anyone has ever given me. I’m going to remember that for a really long time.
Festering: So I’m just scrolling through your profile pictures right now and not a single one of them has your face in it.
Sean: Yeah, my Facebook is a giant advertisement. I sell myself out, it’s what I do.
Virgil: Do you have any tattoos?
Sean: I do.
Virgil: Can we see it?
Sean: I’d have to take off my shirt.
Urethra: Can we see it?
Festering: I’m a visual learner.
Sean: Will I get your votes if I take my shirt off?
Festering: What is it of?
Sean: The Guinness Harp.
Virgil: Do you come from a line of heavy drinkers?
Sean: I do, my dad has ten brothers and sisters. All the cousins and my brother and my sister, we all have the harp.
Festering: Did you all get them together?
Sean: I got it with a few of my cousins and my 81-year-old grandma. We got tattoos together.
Urethra: What’s your least favorite thing about Northwestern?
Sean: That I don’t go to school here in the summer. I just want to be here all the time.
Festering & Urethra: Wow.
Festering: And I spend too much time volunteering! I give too much money to charity!
Urethra: Ok, if you were in a romantic comedy and you were running in the rain to tell the love of your life that you loved them, what song is playing?
Sean: What’s a song that really gets you?
Festering: “You Found Me” by The Fray, that’s what my song would be.
Sean: I feel like you had that ready, you’ve been thinking on this. Uhm, yeah. Let’s think. I mean, the only song that’s stuck in my head because of Wildcat Welcome is “Rather Be” by Clean Bandit. There’s no place I’d rather be than in the rain with the love of my life. Probably my shirt would be off by that point.
Virgil: For the record, my song would be “X Gonna Give It To You” by DMX. Also, I don’t know how many more questions we have but to make it clear before you go you have to do the Wildcat Welcome dance.
Sean: The whole…the new student dance? Did Ben [Terdich] do this?
Festering: Yeah. [Editors' Note: No.]
Sean: I’m not sure that he did, I’m gonna have to follow up and text him.
Urethra: Yeah you can text him right now, but after you do the dance.
Festering: You know they chose that song to boost morale, like “there’s no place I’d rather be than Northwestern.” I’m just explaining it to you guys.
Sean: How is this gonna translate into words?
Virgil: We will describe your movements.
[music begins to play]
[Sean stands]
Sean: This is a good starting point... This is absurd. I should say no to this, but I have dub-dub love…dub dub 14, right cross left cross, slide, shimmy shimmy, reach-for-the-stars, katniss, up flex, freestyle shake...
Virgil: This is fantastic.
Sean: ...wildcat, wildcat, wash-ing ma-chine, raggle tap, raggle tap, x-for-ma-tion, bring it around town, wind mill to the front, dive down step push, put your arms around each other.
[Wild applause]
Sean: I’m on the board of directors, so I’m a professional.
Virgil: If I may. Your form: spot on. I’ve got to hand it to you. Though, while I saw you, I didn't feel you, I didn't absorb you. With Ben, there were criticisms of form, posture, his ambiance if you will, but I was with him in the moment, he was holding me by a thread. When he framed his face, I really got lost in his eyes. When he washing machine’d, I was taken for an emotional twirl as well as a physical one. You have the talent, but I feel you have to be more invested in the message…. you're there, though, you’re there.
Sean: Well were you drinking as heavily when Ben was doing it would be my question for you.
Virgil: I was significantly more intoxicated, you bring up a good point. He was tantalizing. Do we have enough? Did we ask enough serious questions?
Sean: I’m going to say you have zero serious questions.
Urethra: If we Facebook friend you will you accept it?
Sean: Probably. I have a lot of Facebook friends.
Festering: I’m just going to poke you.
Virgil: Alright, our final question: [Holds CTA map up to Sean] You’re on a train on the blue line. Stay there, don't look. You get on at Oak Park...
Festering: That’s where I live!
Virgil: ...stop talking. You get on at Oak Park, the train skips Cicero and Polaski, and goes right to Kenzie. Action. We’re in the middle of a film. Direct.
Sean: What?
Virgil: GO! Camera’s live!
Sean: What kind of movie is this?
Virgil: Go! it’s your movie! You wrote it. You’re already on the train!
Sean: ...and then the train would head out. I thought we got off at Kenzie?
Virgil: No you’re on the train! The doors open at Kenzie. Action.
Sean: I stay in the train. End. Doors close.
Virgil: Keep going.
Sean: The train moves on...
Virgil: Yes! More!
Sean: ...it takes me to O’Hare...
Virgil: Yes!
Sean: ...I get on the first plane.
Virgil: To?
Sean: I sit next to...
Virgil: Where’s the plane going?
Sean: ...the love of my life. It’s going to...I don't even know.
Festering: Yemen.
Sean: It’s going to Yemen. Good Friends reference. I’m with you on that. I’m wearing my sequined belly shirt. Fade out.
Virgil: How does Courtney Cox tie into the movie?
Sean: I think she’s probably the pilot. I get pilot vibes from her. Do we not, as a group?
Virgil: Who’s her copilot?
Sean: I think that’d be a good Jennifer Aniston role, just because I feel like Courtney always--
Virgil: So you’re going to have two white people flying the plane?
Sean: Two white women.
Virgil: I forgot that this interview is also a reflection of me.
Sean: Out of all the things that you’ve said, that’s when you just realized that fact? That’s probably another reflection of you.
