We Tried Writing an Article About Kids Who Smoke Outside the Library but They're Too Cool

We gave it our all and tried putting together an article that made fun of the kids who stand outside of Main Library smoking cigarettes, but they’re honestly just too cool, so we’re coming to you empty-handed. We’re usually pretty good at putting pen to paper and poking fun at different people or organizations on Northwestern’s campus, but this one was a real doozy. Have you seen those kids? So cool.

It should be easy, right? They’re just standing there all nonchalant and such, puffing smoke in the dark as they stand by the library. It’s a funny image. And believe us, we worked hard to put together some jokes about these tobacco-puffing hooligans, but they’re too nonchalant. We can’t even touch them, partially because of the hazy cloud of smoke that shrouds them. Sure, it’s unhealthy, but it is astonishingly alluring.

When you spend most of your days writing jokes about Greek life, theatre majors and Norris faux pas, these types of situations seem rather manageable. We like to think we do an alright job in the field of Northwestern-based satirical sites. But holy smokes were we in for a surprise with this one. We came up with stuff like “I don’t know what’s worse for their health, the cigarette smoke or all that studying!” but that just made us feel less cool, and consequently made them way, way cooler, which is pretty cool of them.

If we’re being transparent, we actually reached out to some of the smokers outside of Main and asked if they had any ideas for the article. They did, and they were great. Not only were they hilarious, they were also poignant and made us think as readers. We were gonna use their jokes but that wouldn’t be very cool of us. We asked if we could have one of their cigarettes (or “bum” a cigarette, as smokers call it) but they declined our request, which, while slightly hurtful, was also quite cool.