Sorority Members Who Are Undoubtedly 100% Evil No Exceptions Have Great Rush Week

Chi Zeta Tau member Hilary Randolph is like so excited for winter Recruitment. “I can't wait to get an amazing new pledge class,” Randolph said, in between knocking over an old man and sowing salt into the yards of neighboring sororities. “Recruitment brings out the best in all our members.”

Randolph is the Recruitment Chair of her local Chi Tau chapter. She's like, so into sisterhood, and just planned a chapter rave at the local Indian Burial Ground last week.

"We're all about diversity and inclusion."

This weekend at Chi Zeta Tau, Randolph got to meet hundreds of girls interested in joining her chapter.

“It's really important to us that we welcome in the pledge class who will feel most at home in Chi Tau,” Randolph said while siphoning blood off a heroin addict. “It only takes a 10-minute conversation to tell if that's you.”

Randolph, who majors in Chemical Gas and Nuclear Warfare, is in the junior pledge class of her local Chi Tau chapter.  She “adore[s] and treasure[s]” her sisters.

“We're a bunch of girls who don't get too caught up in Rush Season,” Randolph said, after locking the ugly half of her pledge class in the basement of the sorority.

“And we have the best bonding activities."

Next week Chi Tau is burning down a retirement home together.