“Whatever happened to no man left behind?”: A Message From Your One Friend With a Thursday Final

You just left me here… I didn’t ask for this. You know what’s worse than forcing my free-Forto-coffee-shot-saturated brain to study for this godforsaken test? Doing it alone. I thought we were in this whole “college” thing together. Seems you were only in it for the highs and ran at the first sign of a low. Wasn’t it enough that your professors let you out during reading week? Did you have to stab me by flying off to some beach somewhere and then, AND THEN twist the knife by Instagramming it? Knowing full well the state I’m in? It’s a required class, I had no choice. You did.

Pathetically,

Your ex-best friend