White Liberals Ask for “Redo” In Quadrennial Foursquare Game

Washington, D.C. – After an unexpected outcome three years into preparation for America’s quadrennial foursquare championship, white liberals in the Ms. Winters’ third grade class have asked for a redo on their faulty serve.

            Pollsters predicted that the initial serve in the foursquare game would go relatively smoothly, as per usual with a likely bump around the second player in the southernmost end of the court but a swift pick up by the time the ball reached the third player in the northern middle end. When the wealthy white player in the third square dropped the ball into a pit of toxic acid instead of passing it along, the white liberal in the first square immediately asked for a “Redo!”

            The wealthy white in the third square claimed to have no idea what happened, but mentioned that the vat of toxic waste didn’t really seem that bad in comparison to the other likely outcome, which was finishing out the foursquare game in a regulation and maintaining the regular flow of the game despite the game’s inherent flaws, with the potential of a slight improvement. When asked, some of the wealthy white’s friends said that they were tired of playing foursquare and wanted to try a new play zone for this rotation, like handball or maybe tetherball instead. “I guess, yeah, tetherball is really dangerous for a lot of people, and teacher told us all that,” they said. “But a change of pace would be nice, right?”

            This wild upset has caused some of the white liberals in the class to reconsider their complicity in allowing their peers to coopt the game of foursquare. “Yeah, they’ve always been bullies, but we didn’t think they’d mess it up so bad for everybody else,” one liberal said. “It always works out so the foursquare game goes the way we want so we thought it would be okay.” Unfortunately, Ms. Winters had to remind the class that there are no Redos in the school’s foursquare rules, even if the majority of the students in the class agree that a Redo would probably be best.